This week’s song obsession: The Feels by Labrinth

I’m the queen of last minute decisions. I never used to be, but life changes you. It’s amazing how much. If I look at myself now, and at myself five years ago, the difference is so wild it’s like I’m not the same person. Five years ago me was working an office job I loathed with misogynistic bosses and coworkers (I was the only woman). Five years ago me put up with a lot more than current me would. Five years ago me was still naïve in a lot of ways. Current me has two jobs I love: photography and writing. How did I get so lucky that I get to put all my attention into art? I have on idea, but if five years ago me could see where I am now, I think she’d squeal like the little girl I once was who dreamed of being a published author.

I think this whole concept of change is why I love to have strong character development in my writing. People change. Wildly and fully. Shitty people tend not to change, but people that are always working on themselves and pushing for something better, they’re always changing. If you meet me now and don’t see me again for a year, don’t expect me to be the same person. My core values will remain, but the rest of me is in a constant state of growth and change.

As usual, I drifted off topic. My original point was I make last minute decisions now. I used to not be able to do a damn thing without mentally prepping and planning, but life knocked me on my ass a few too many times and as a result, I find myself looking for support where five years ago me wouldn’t have. Five years ago me wouldn’t admit to anyone she struggled. Current me knows better, and she reached out to her best friend in a really difficult time. Best friend came through, and I got to spend a few days in best friend and best friend’s babies bliss.

I drove almost twelve hours, the longest I’ve ever driven by myself. Turned out it wasn’t hard. My brain needed the time to process and think, to really consider what was going on in my life. What deserved my energy and more importantly, what didn’t. It was a relief the farther away I got from my personal life chaos, and just the break I needed. Though I’ll admit I would’ve liked if it was a week longer than it was.

So, if you were wondering why I dipped out of updates, that was why. I hit an impossibly difficult wall in life and my bestie offered a mattress on her living room floor for me to escape to, and escape I did. It was the longest I’ve gone without working in I don’t know how long. Years, I guess. I tend to be a workaholic, especially when my work consists of two businesses I own and run entirely on my own. I pull a lot of sixteen hour days. Twenty hour days when I was getting IASAD ready for publishing. To go from that to a few days of no work was absolute bliss and just what I needed. I still feel like I could use more refreshing, but I’ll get that in about a month when my birthday hits.

Honey and I will be going out of town for my birthday, as it will be a difficult one. I’m turning the same age as my older brother did when he died, and you’re really not supposed to turn the same age as your older brother. Or get older. Having always been an obsessive number person, this birthday is hitting me hard and it’s not even here yet. We knew this was coming, so honey took off work and I’m going to as well. We’re going to hopefully spend a few days in Redwood National Forest and maybe even make a stop in Vegas. I can’t wait.

Speaking of honey, did you know I’ve been married to that guy for a long time? Nine years. We just celebrated our anniversary and we did it in the most us way possible. We slept in, went to a movie (The Meg 2. So romantic, I know), agonized over new gaming laptops (I might be replacing mine because I already lost progress on Mended AND Cookie Fix because of the one I have now), went for a drive in the mountains with playlists we made together, and watched the sunset from the top of the mountain. After that, we cooked dinner together and played video games.

You may be wondering about gifts. Did we give any? We sure did, but we’re children, and neither of us could wait for our actual anniversary so there were no gifts exchanged on our anniversary. There were gifts exchanged, however, two days earlier. We tend to follow those silly anniversary year gift things. I don’t know what to call them, but there’s certain things you’re supposed to get depending on how many years you’ve been married. For us this year, leather, willow wood, and/or pottery/ceramics were the choices. I got him a leather pipe holder for his Gandalf tobacco pipe, a new pipe (not willow wood because it’s too soft but hey, I did my best to stay on theme), and a Stardew Valley mug. Honey is building me a mobile book case, and he gave me a leather wrap to hold all my fancy fountain pens, as well as a bouquet of beautiful flowers.

We also bought a new bourbon to try together but we’re old children and were too tired to have much of it.

Now what else have I been up to? I’m getting ready to announce the next book getting published. If you wanna know what’s up, I suggest following me on my socials and signing up for my newsletter where I’ve been dropping hints and aesthetics about the upcoming new publication. Title reveal will come first, and everything else will follow.

Thanks for being on this ride with me 🙂

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